My dad sent me this poem. It's got me wondering now.

THE REDNECK LOVE POEM

Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her pappy so.

Pappy told her, "Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yer ma don't know,
But Joe is yer half brother."

So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will,
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, "There's trouble still."

"You can't marry Will, my gal,
And please don't tell your mother,
But Will and Joe, and several mo'
I know is yer half brother."

But Mama knew and said, "My child,
Just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
You ain't no kin to Pappy."

** Happy 4th of July everyone **

Count your fingers on Tuesday, you should have 10. This is from our 4th of July party 2 years ago. It's my cousin. He had the best time of all of us.

posted by Rik at 17:24 - 0 comments

*singing* Weekend's coming, weekend's coming, i'm goin' out, to da beach, to watch da fireworks, and you don't get none. Wanna lick? Psych! I'm so excited. I'm going to have a special holiday suprise for you all. Check in tomorrow! :)

Probably adding some more of you wackos over there too -->

posted by Rik at 16:40 - 0 comments

I got "tagged" by Tanya. Normally this wouldn't sound like a bad thing, but today, i have to bitch about stuff. Most of you don't want to hear me bitch. Too many blogs are about some random dickhead bitching about random stuff no one cares about or random stuff that people already know but are powerless to affect. That's the beauty of a blog. It doesn't need to "affect" anything. It's just fun.

So without further ado, (I said "doo").

1. 15 year old-girls that look like 20 year-old girls.
I'm tired of feeling like a pervert because i see some cute girl on the side of the street and i have purient thoughts about only to drive by and finally see that she's not nearly of the age that i should be having those thoughts about. Fathers! Do something about this! I realize that you may not be in control of your daughters' waredrobes 24hrs a day, but please instill in these girls some decency. Sluts should be at least be of age of consent. I beg of you.

2. People eating big fat burgers on TV.
This is not a marketing tactic! This does not make me want to go out and get one of your fucking double-bacon-ranch-cheese-mushroom-sesame burgers. Please? You're making me nauseaus.

3. The liberal media.
Half of the U.S. doesn't agree with you. They don't want tits on TV at 6pm, or gay people making out on prime-time. Please wait until 10 when our kids are asleep. Learn it, live it, love it.

4. Confrontational Vegetarians.
When i have a BBQ i don't need you to give me a lesson on how our food is "slaughtered." It tastes better when the animals suffer. I've accepted this. I don't care what you eat if you don't complain to me about what i eat. I won't chastise you for your choices if you let me suffer from mine.

5. "Truth" commercials.
I smoke. I want to quit. It's not the tobacco companies' fault. I know that i'll get lung cancer someday. When that happens i'm not going to blame my "husband-who-smoked-in-the-livingroom-and-gave-me-second-hand-smoke-cancer-and-now-i-have-to-talk-through-a-hole-in-my-throat." With that said, all you assholes that smoke in your car with your windows rolled up and your kids in the back seat: Shame on you. Otherwise, we get it.

I love you guys.

posted by Rik at 19:48 - 0 comments
** Is stole this **

No i didn't, i got permission from Kim. Now that i read it again, it's a little self-centered . . . but i'm going to put it up anyway cause i've got nothing for the weekend. Plus my hands will be full of beer, and unable to type for awhile. I also realize many of you may not know me well enough to answer any of them, so feel free to print them out and use it for toilet paper. Just be sure to put it on the roll coming "over the top." ;)

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

posted by Rik at 16:18 - 0 comments

Out of the blue, by buddy sends me this text message:

Chris:
(\(\
(-_-)
(")(")
Rik: Wow
Rik: I've never noticed how gay you were.
Chris: rofl
Rik: that's positively fagtastic
Chris: asshole, lets go for a cigarette.
Rik: ok

Isn't that a cute little bunny?

** Licensing **

I swear to God, people; we need to have a law in this country where one has to get a license to have children. I was listening to a popular radio show yesterday and the host was asking listeners to call in if they've ever had "a thing" for a cousin/aunt/uncle, etc . . .

THERE WHERE SOOOO MANY CALLERS! Holy Shit! This country is falling apart! No wonder the world thinks we're a bunch of godless heathens, hell-bent on destruction and domination.
This one guy calls in saying that he doesn't see what the problem is. "They do it in the Middle-East and Africa." C'mon, man! These places don't have running water or indoor toilets either! Do you really think it's all right to fuck your cousin?

Call me a Nazi, call me Fascist, whatever. But i honestly believe it's time to start neutering people at birth. If you want to have children, you can take a competency test to get your fertility back. I'll be the first in line.

posted by Rik at 11:13 - 0 comments

I went to an Angel game last night. What a cluster-fuck that was!
First, the girl that we're supposed to meet there (because she has our tickets) arrives an hour late. A WHOLE fucking hour. You can't show up to a baseball game an hour late and not have to atone for it. This chick was like 20 years old, huge gorgeous eyes, long brown hair, and beautiful breasts. If she'd strolled up and said, "I'm so sorry i'm late," and flashed us, that would be one thing, but no. Nothing. Just a smile and a skip to the WillCall window. WTF! And there were like 15 drunk/stoopid/20-somethings in tow. This was going to be fun.

*Fade to 9th inning* Trust me you're not missing much, 'cause for the first 5 innings . . . I don't know what happened! (except for the drunks got yelled out by the father behind us.)

The Angels are down 1-0, with the bases loaded, no outs. They loose the game 1-0. How? How?
How do you not lean in and get hit? or bloop one into the outfield for a sac fly? or ANYTHING! My night was ruined.

I should have stayed home and watched the game like God intended:
On the couch with a Jim Beam & Coke, take a nap starting in the 3rd inning, wake up in the middle of the 7th inning, get another drink, finish the game, scratch my balls, and head off to bed.

I love Baseball.
. . . and now, completely off subject.

** My Favorite Smells **

* Gasoline - c'mon, who doesn't like the smell of gasoline.
* Grape "flavored" Magic Marker - ooh, tangy. Reminds me of grade school.
* Bleach/Chlorine - That just got out of the pool smell is especially hot on women.
* CocoButter - Again, especially hot on women.
* Burnt Hair - just kidding.
* Burnt Ozone - That smell just before it's about to rain.

posted by Rik at 11:16 - 0 comments

Many of you older gals may not be concerned with this. But for you younger ladies, I want feedback!

My ex used to tell me that i think about sex too much, i ask for sex too much, i want to do it too much. Hell, maybe is sucked at it and she just didn't want to do it, but the way i figured. That was her job!

Now before you say, "Damn that's sexist," Let me explain something. You women may like to think that your relationship with your man isn't NOT based on sex . . . that you have other things that you base it on; but we don't. Our ENTIRE relationship with you is based SOLEY on sex. That's it. Whether you cook or clean, or have our children, or put money in the checking account....it's all just a bonus. You are there to have sex with him, period! Again - let me explain:

In today's society, we are expected to be monogamous. (This isn't something that most men have problem with. I'll even admit that i prefer it that way. In fact, if i'm even interested in a woman i tend to dismiss all other women, but that's just me.) In any given day there are approximately 100 women in your man's day that he can have a work relationship with. There are 1,000 women that he can have a casual friendship/aquaintance with. There are about 3 billion other women on the planet that he can play golf with, talk about his kids with, fish, tell jokes, go to lunch, watch movies, skydive, hike, hunt deer, ANYTHING. There's is only ONE women he is "allowed" to have sex with. This is why your relationship is based on sex. When he looks at you, that's what he wants, he chose you to be that person. Am i sounding unreasonable? Am i asking too much? Or are we still all perverts?

posted by Rik at 11:47 - 0 comments

We've all got those songs. Those ones that when you hear them, you stop dead in your tracks, your eyes gloss over, you look through the wall and are more vulnerable to being hit by a bus than ever.
I usually listen to either old school metal, classic rock or reggae (i know, i'm wierd, but life's much more fun this way). But when i hear these songs, they do wierd things to me. I can't explain it. I'm also the kind of person that when i hear a really good song that i like, i tend to make a copy of it and play it over and over and over again until i burn out. But that little ember stays deep down there and never really goes out (like it does in some people and they end up hating the song) so i can still appreciate it when i hear it again. Without further ado:

Dave Loggins -- "Please Come to Boston"

Michael Knott -- "Cast Me Away"

Pearl Jam (Hunters & Collectors) -- "Throw Your Arms Around Me"

Gordon Lightfoot -- "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Kansas -- "Dust in the Wind"

The Comsat Angels -- "I'm Falling"

Cracker -- "Another Song about the Rain"

Iron Maiden -- "Strange World"

Buffalo Springfield -- "For What It's Worth"

Rolling Stones -- "Dead Flowers"

Jimi Hendrix -- "Isabella"

Paul Newman -- "Plastic Jesus"

Jeff Buckley (Leonard Cohen) -- "Hallelujah"

Ministry -- "Stigmata" and "So What"

Yes, some of them are cliche but it's how i get by. And there are others, but they don't come to mind just now. Let me know if you need help finding a copy of any of these.

posted by Rik at 15:55 - 0 comments

Can we all please have a moment of silence for "The Quintessential M.I.L.F."? We (the boys) have lost a great one today. A dream has died. Yes there will be dreams again, for there are more MILFs today than ever before, and they get hotter and hotter by the year. But our dearest mother has left us, the one that started it all. Gonna be some hot lovin' in heaven tonight ;)

We love you Anna Maria Louise Italiano, aka Anne Bancroft.

posted by Rik at 16:05 - 0 comments

There seem to be two types of people in the world. Don't pay any attention to all those other theories out there. They're shit. I've come to realize, though, that there are two types of people. Those that want you to cut your hair, and those that want you to let it grow out. I hate both of these people. It's my hair, why the hell do you care that it's on fire? Am i right?

I used to be adamant about women having long hair. They have to have long hair. It's a rule.
Then i got that taste in my mouth. You know, that realization-that-you're-being-a-hypocrite taste. It's pretty nasty.
I'm no longer going to tell people what they should do with their hair. Mine's long, it's going to continue to get longer.

Can you dig it? I knew that you could.

posted by Rik at 16:47 - 0 comments
Wednesday night. I was sitting on the couch, when an episode of "South Park" came on. This was the most hilarious episode i've EVER seen and has given me newfound respect for Cartman. Eric Cartman is my new hero. I love that little guy! I wish he was my brother. For a short synopsis of the episode go here.
For an even shorter synopsis, Cartman kicks MEGA hippy ass! and we find out he's been a quasi-undercover, hippy-fighting crusader for quite some time, AND he knows what he's talking about. Eric Cartman is my new hero.

And for those of you that don't like cartoons:

** Pimp & Ho **

Tomorrow is Crash's birthday. He doesn't know it but he's going to have about 40 hookers at the house tomorrow. No, not really. We're throwing a themed party. The theme is "Pimp & Ho." If you'd like to have a "Pimp & Ho" party of your own . . . all you have to do is invite a bunch of your friends over and tell them to dress like sluts and pimps. It's hilarious. Oh, and you gotta feed 'em too. I would suggest burgers and hotdogs, cause hos like dey meat dat way. Anyway, if'n any you's gon be 'round da HB way, give us a holla.

posted by Rik at 15:12 - 0 comments