When you were a kid, did you ever think that you might die before you reached adulthood? Did you ever secretly wish you would? Not that you had a death wish . . . but just that maybe you might die before you had to deal with it? Because it was so scary, so foreign, so uncomprehisible to you, that you actually feared growing up?

Bills, wives, children, work . . . oh God, WORK! Save me!

I did. I used to think i'd only live to 33. Actually i secretly hoped i'd only live to 33. Not that i'd ever take my own life, i'm Catholic. We can't do that. But i thought that my expectations would have influence over the events of my life, and that's just how it would turn out. I guess i could have "made" it turn out that way. But as the years went on and on and on . . . it got easier and easier. Life was something that just came; day to day. It happened, we dealt with it.

"They" tell you it gets easier, "they" tell you it gets better. But you don't see it until it happens to you. And you really don't see it until you've already seen it. It's wierd.

Now i want to live forever. I want to live until i'm 1,852 years old. I want to see civilization destroy itself. I want to watch everyone i know die. I want to witness the extinction of the squirrel. I want to be the last person on the planet, with a broken pair of specs and a library of books . . . dented cans of Campbell's beans and no plastic sporks . . . barrels of inert petrol . . . thousands of DVD's with no TV's to watch them on . . . hundreds of roller-coasters with no one to operate them . . . trillions of stars to sleep under, with no one to point them out to.

One of the damned. That would be my heaven, that would be my hell. But it would be mine.

What did you think your life would be like . . .
. . . when you were a kid?

posted by Rik at 23:52 - 0 comments

It's gone. It's all gone. What have i done???????? Nooooooooooooooooo.

It was fun. I think the girls that did it actually had too much fun. They were beginning to frighten me. Anyway, i think these are mostly in order. I don't (didn't) usually wear it in the braid, but it made it easier to work with after the cut. Also it was hot so i'm sweating like a $2 whore. So here you go:

You can click on the pic for a bigger one if you dare.

posted by Rik at 09:03 - 0 comments

The American Cancer Society has an annual fundraiser thing. You may have heard of it: The Relay for Life? Anyway, the company where i work usually puts together a team and they raise money selling baked goods, raffles, etc... Then the day of the Relay, the team takes turns walking/running around a school track for 24 hours. We camp out, play games, get sunburned. It's good times.

This year, i decided to go big. I've been growing my hair out for about 4 years now. I never thought i'd cut it. But lately it's been getting on my nerves. Blah, blah, blah, i'm sure you girls know what i'm talking about.

Anyway i've challenged everyone at work to come up with $500 to donate and then i'd cut it off. All of it. When i started working here, about 5 years ago, i had it pretty short. Like a #2 on the clippers. Little goatee, glasses . . . think Anthony Edwards in ER in the early days. Sad huh? So i'm thinkin' about going back to that look. It's easy, cheap, clean. I get to sleep in another half hour.

I think i sold myself short, though. I think $500 is going to be too easy to come up with. A buddy of mine came up with the "Save Rik's Hair Fund" where we'd have those that didn't want me to cut it to donate too, and whichever group came up with the most money would win. (All the money going to the ACS, of course.) But i wish we'd had thought of that first. :( Now it's too late.

Wish us luck.

Per WCG's request: 1, 2, 3.

posted by Rik at 11:26 - 0 comments

Dear Hollywood,

Enough with the super-hero movies. If i have to watch another preview about someone getting bit by a radioactive alligator, or getting zapped by gamma rays from some distant supernova, i'm going to develop a tic.

You guys are only encouraging more and more 30+ year old, single, dorks to forgo getting a real job and move out of their parents' basements. These people need inspirational movies about getting laid, finding girlfriends, and motivating them to grow up.

Encourage them to stop buying comic books, and DVD's of fictitious people with fantastic powers. In the real world, people have crappy jobs, have ugly children, live in small houses, and die. Make that sound more attractive. Or make more movies about boobs. Please stop making super-hero movies. We're tired.

Love, Rik.

P.S. It's as hot as a camel's sack in my office so i'm a little grumpy.

posted by Rik at 13:43 - 0 comments

Finally! There are rules in war people.

Chaucer, John Lyly, Fletcher and Massinger, and Aphra Behn were all using poetic license when they said: "All's fair in love and war." Please read this story from the Dallas Morning News. It's about time the liberal media grew a pair and started calling a spade a spade.

If you're not registered, or the link above doesn't work there is another at Little Green Football's site, and a copy as well.

Write a letter to someone you know "over there." They'd appreciate it, i'm sure.

posted by Rik at 15:59 - 0 comments

Last night, the MLB's All-Star Game was played. I, however, did not get to watch it. I had a double-header with my softball team from work. I will not go into how well we did (because we did not). I will go into why my brother did not get to watch the All-Star Game. Crash decided to forgo the patriotic duty of watching the "game that counts this time" and rent Phantom of the Opera. Don't get me wrong, i'm sure this is a good story, ALW didn't get rich and famous for creating crap work. But instead of the All-Star Game? Really???I wonder if he knows how disappointed i am in him.

** Random IMs **

Sean: you know its harder not to be hateful towards certain group of people when 70 percent of the ones you meet are fucking classless deuschbags
Rik: douche
Sean: ty
Rik: who are you talking about?
Sean: this asshole at work
Rik: ahhhh
Rik: work douche.
Sean: i broke a pair of these really old headphones when i moved his desk
Sean: so old he had one headphone
Sean: so i told him i get him some new ones
Sean: i said ten bucks
Sean: i give him ten dollars
Sean: he comes back with a receipt for 16
Sean: and tells me i need to pay
Sean: it was 16 because he bought an extender he said i should pay for
Rik: lmao
Sean: hes fuckin serious about this shit
Rik: i'm seriously laughing
Sean: so i told him after being nice

Sean: "Im not paying more than ten dollars for the two dollar piece of shit
headphones you had."
Sean: "Are you seriously sweating me for 6 dollars" I paid
Sean: "Ill go rip a fucking headphone off the phone headphones and it be the same thing you had"
Sean: then he said fine you owe me a favor then
Sean: in this condisending fucking tone
Sean: what the fuck
Rik: you're having a bad day.
Rik: you need a gin&tonic
Sean: ok good

posted by Rik at 20:49 -

Friends

There is a woman at my work with whom i'd consider myself pretty close. She's in her early 50's, divorced, two kids, a handful of grandkids, and an on-again/off-again boyfriend. He lives in AZ and they haven't really seen each other in a while. He wants the relationship to be more serious than she does. We talk a lot and i give her grief about being old and she teases me for being young/dumb. It's fun.

Anyway "g-ma" tells me today that "AZbf" emailed her and wants to go to dinner. She also tells me that she "just wants to be friends" with the guy. So i tell her she needs to tell him that. Don't hint, don't suggest; TELL him. My ex wasn't completely honest with me when our relationship ended (she may have been but when i look back at certain things she said and did, i begin to wonder,) so i told g-ma that she needs to be honest with AZbf. She owes him that at least. Men hate the friend speech, but what they hate even more is being led on. If you're not interested in him, let him know. "That way he'll know it's officially time to switch from pursuing mode to stalking mode," i told her. We laughed.

But seriously ladies, if you're not interested, don't beat around the bush, don't try to go easy on him or spare his feelings. He'll respect you more if you're honest with him. Not mean, just honest.

posted by Rik at 11:37 - 0 comments

Dear God,
I know i don't pray that often, but i'm praying today for those unfortunate souls in London. I don't understand how attacking innocent civilians can be viewed as a viable tactic in getting the world to see your plight.

Also, as a request from an Army brat, please strike down Michael Crook.

Love, Rik

** Thanks to Tanya for the link ** posted by Rik at 13:33 - 0 comments

I suck. I took no pictures. I took no pictures. I've never been good at taking pictures though.
There was a dual ping-pong toss pit. Beruit on the Beach, Flip-cup, 4 kegs, oodles of boobs, and i got sunburned to a crisp. I'll start to peel in an hour or so. I hate when you can see skin peeling on the end of your nose, and it looks like it's the size of a towel on your face, so you go to the mirror and its just this little piece... To top it all off, my mom is in town now, so i get to hear about how i need to be more careful. "You're gonna get skin cancer." This from the same woman that let me play AYSO and play on the beach for HOURS at a time with no sunscreen. I remember one year, i blistered so bad i couldn't even wear a shirt. I swear the blisters where the size of a quarter.

I did behave myself this weekend though. Are you suprised? I hate getting old, but i guess it's got its usefulness; keeping you out of trouble. When i got back from the beach on the first day, i layed down on the couch, watched "Shanghai Noon" and then fell asleep. My inner party animal just curled up and napped. That sucked!

Hope you all had good weekends.

posted by Rik at 16:38 - 0 comments